I'm scheduled for my second chemo tomorrow, and my husband Mike will have his hernias repaired. He will be in St Luke's Episcopal Hospital, right across the street from MDACC where I'll be. Our youngest son is on his way out to the farm, to sleep on the couch, and take us in to town tomorrow. I have a friend bringing us home after, though I think I would have been OK to drive home, no-one would let me, and Mike can't drive after being sedated.
I had a great time today meeting for lunch with a bunch of friends from Braeburn Presbyterian Church and Day School. We caught up on what our kids, and grandkids are up to, and how we are all doing. They are a great support group for me, as several of them are cancer survivors, and also been close friends with other women going through what I'm facing. A couple of them brought gifts for me, and we also had a summer reading book swap. A great way to spent the afternoon.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Busy Sunday...
In spite of spending yesterday in the ER, today was productive. I walked out with Michelle to let the flocks out, and feed the old horse. We sat by the pond for 10 minutes or so, just watching the duck's antics. We went back to the house, ate breakfast, then I had my daughter shave my head, as my hair was falling out, and I don't like waking up with hair in my face that is no longer attached. Mike and I hung the new ceiling fan in our room. Yeah! no more stuffy nights, suffering with hot flashes, without a fan!
I took it easy for the rest of the afternoon.
We had an SCA equestrian practice this evening. We started around 5:00, so it was starting to cool off. I helped saddle up the horses, then had another marshal running the practice, as she needed to do, to get her Authorization to be an authorizing marshal. I did spend quite a lot of time walking back and forth from the barn to the house, printing out different waivers, and other paperwork, cause I didn't have enough copies of certain ones I needed. When they left, I went back into the AC, and waited for supper.
I'm feeling pretty good, but needed to take small amounts of pain medication during the day, to keep the pain of the blood clots at bay. I'm back to daily blood thinners, but the one I'm on isn't quite as painful as the other one. I hope it is effective, and I don't have to switch.
I took it easy for the rest of the afternoon.
We had an SCA equestrian practice this evening. We started around 5:00, so it was starting to cool off. I helped saddle up the horses, then had another marshal running the practice, as she needed to do, to get her Authorization to be an authorizing marshal. I did spend quite a lot of time walking back and forth from the barn to the house, printing out different waivers, and other paperwork, cause I didn't have enough copies of certain ones I needed. When they left, I went back into the AC, and waited for supper.
I'm feeling pretty good, but needed to take small amounts of pain medication during the day, to keep the pain of the blood clots at bay. I'm back to daily blood thinners, but the one I'm on isn't quite as painful as the other one. I hope it is effective, and I don't have to switch.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Friday...
...was a good day. Son-in-law drove me around to do some errands. We picked up parts for the Bush Hog, then went to look for just the right ceiling fan for our bedroom. When Lowe's didn't have the right one, we went to Home Depot. We bought the fan, and a new filter for the refrigerator, then I made a quick run into Office Max for folders, and sheet protectors for organizing my files for the farm. When we got home, It was time for Kenney to pick up the daughter of one of his friends from Summer school, so while he did that, I unloaded, and reloaded the dishwasher, fixed a sandwich for lunch, then tackled the files. After getting them pretty well done, it was time for Mike to get home, and we went to the Elks Lodge for dinner, a movie and cards. We didn't get home till after midnight, but I was doing alright. In spite of a very busy day, I was no tireder that normal.
That changed very quickly this morning. I woke up at about 8:30 with excruciating pain in my right shoulder, just like Wednesday morning. This time, I called the after hours triage nurse. She told me to go to the emergency room at MDACC. In the car I took a 7.5 mg dose of Oxicodone for the pain, as the vibrations and movement were making the pain worse. We arrived about 10:20 AM, and I sat in the waiting room for at least an hour before they took me to a room. They checked my vitals after about 30 min. but sent me back to wait...
By this time the med had kicked in and I wasn't grunting with each breath, from the pain. They did an EKG, and put in an IV line, but couldn't get blood out of it, so they stuck me again, on the back of my hand, and went through the vein. An IV specialist was called, and meanwhile I was walked across the ER to have a chest X-ray done. There was talk of having a CT scan of my chest to see what was going on, and by this time it was 12:30. I hadn't eaten anything since dinner last night, the pain was manageable, and I was hungry. They let me order a lunch tray, but I couldn't have it till after my CT scan. They would put it in the refrigerator for me.
The IV nurse came, stuck me again, and drew the blood they needed for testing. Several hours later, a Doctor came in, and told me the the first tests were normal, so he was ordering a CT scan. They were looking for blood clots. I still couldn't have anything by mouth. 6:00PM they finally came to take me for the CT scan. It was hurry up and wait. The test took 10 min, but I was out of my room for an hour. When they brought me back, I was finally allowed to eat my lunch. It was after 7:00 in the evening. About 8:30 or so the Dr showed back up, to tell me they found blood clots. When I asked where, he said on both sides. He didn't say weither they were in my lungs, but I'm assuming so, though the pain is centered in the top of my right shoulder, it hurts to take a deep breath. He has put me back on daily blood thinner shots. I wanted to ask some questions, but he was gone again.
Soooo, my life right now sucks big time. I HATE giving myself shots in my stomach They burn like acid for about 5-10 minutes after you get it, and leave bruses. Please continue praying for me. I need them more than ever. Friday was such a good day...
That changed very quickly this morning. I woke up at about 8:30 with excruciating pain in my right shoulder, just like Wednesday morning. This time, I called the after hours triage nurse. She told me to go to the emergency room at MDACC. In the car I took a 7.5 mg dose of Oxicodone for the pain, as the vibrations and movement were making the pain worse. We arrived about 10:20 AM, and I sat in the waiting room for at least an hour before they took me to a room. They checked my vitals after about 30 min. but sent me back to wait...
By this time the med had kicked in and I wasn't grunting with each breath, from the pain. They did an EKG, and put in an IV line, but couldn't get blood out of it, so they stuck me again, on the back of my hand, and went through the vein. An IV specialist was called, and meanwhile I was walked across the ER to have a chest X-ray done. There was talk of having a CT scan of my chest to see what was going on, and by this time it was 12:30. I hadn't eaten anything since dinner last night, the pain was manageable, and I was hungry. They let me order a lunch tray, but I couldn't have it till after my CT scan. They would put it in the refrigerator for me.
The IV nurse came, stuck me again, and drew the blood they needed for testing. Several hours later, a Doctor came in, and told me the the first tests were normal, so he was ordering a CT scan. They were looking for blood clots. I still couldn't have anything by mouth. 6:00PM they finally came to take me for the CT scan. It was hurry up and wait. The test took 10 min, but I was out of my room for an hour. When they brought me back, I was finally allowed to eat my lunch. It was after 7:00 in the evening. About 8:30 or so the Dr showed back up, to tell me they found blood clots. When I asked where, he said on both sides. He didn't say weither they were in my lungs, but I'm assuming so, though the pain is centered in the top of my right shoulder, it hurts to take a deep breath. He has put me back on daily blood thinner shots. I wanted to ask some questions, but he was gone again.
Soooo, my life right now sucks big time. I HATE giving myself shots in my stomach They burn like acid for about 5-10 minutes after you get it, and leave bruses. Please continue praying for me. I need them more than ever. Friday was such a good day...
Thursday, June 25, 2009
today...
...was spent in a daze. I'll stay away from the muscle relaxers after this. If I wake in pain, I'll just take more of the pain med I'm taking at night. At least with that, it wears off, and I can function. I hate losing a day to nothingness. There is so much to do here, and I can't do much right now, but wasting a whole day like this bothers me.
Farah Fawcett died today from cancer. I watched a tribute to her life. It was sad and hard to watch, but I feel I needed to. She had Ryan O'Neil at her side to the end. She was very lucky to have that kind of love and commitment from a life partner, even though they never married. HE had asked her many times before, and she refused. During her last days, she finally agreed, but she died before they could do it.
Michael Jackson also died today. What a sad, wasted, life he had. He named his youngest child Blanket. What will those children have to look forward, to as they grow up.
Farah Fawcett died today from cancer. I watched a tribute to her life. It was sad and hard to watch, but I feel I needed to. She had Ryan O'Neil at her side to the end. She was very lucky to have that kind of love and commitment from a life partner, even though they never married. HE had asked her many times before, and she refused. During her last days, she finally agreed, but she died before they could do it.
Michael Jackson also died today. What a sad, wasted, life he had. He named his youngest child Blanket. What will those children have to look forward, to as they grow up.
woah!
I woke up at 5:15 with a sharp pain in my shoulder so bad that I couldn't go back to sleep. I checked Webmd.com to see if this was a common symptom of anything, and when that drew a blank, I took 1/2 of a muscle relaxer. I woke up at 9:30, ate a snack, and drank some Ice tea, sat back down on my bed intending to read, and just woke up again when my cell phone rang. I'm very groggy, but the pain is pretty much gone. I still feel a twinge now and then, but not like it was. So much for getting anything much done outside this morning...it's too hot by now.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
I'm feeling very depressed tonight...
Today I received an email that 4 weeks ago would have made me very happy. I went on an initial job interview on May 27 at a private school looking for teachers for next year. It went well, and they said they would be in touch about a follow-up interview. That is the day I started running fever, and the next day was when I was told that I needed more tests at MDACC. That weekend is the first I spent in the hospital, and was told my cancer was back. I got the invitation to a follow up interview today. I want to cry, scream, and tear my hair out. Why now, when I can't in good conscience interview for a job when I most likely will not be able work due to Chemo and other treatments. I'm in the process of applying for Disability from Social Security. I had given up my dream of teaching, then this job came up, tailor made for me, and now I can't do it.
On top of that, my dog broke her front leg chasing the neighbors bull, and my husband is driving home from Elks Lodge meeting, and he is drunk. It scares me every time he does this, and I try and tell him so, but it doesn't seem to matter to him that he is endangering himself and others every time he does this.
So here I sit, worrying about if this will be the night he doesn't make it home, but ends up in a ditch, and how I can tell these people who finally seem to value me as a teacher, that I can't take their job.
My physical condition seems to be good, and I'm receiving lots of cards from people wishing me well, but tonight I'm very sad, and frustrated with this whole thing...
On top of that, my dog broke her front leg chasing the neighbors bull, and my husband is driving home from Elks Lodge meeting, and he is drunk. It scares me every time he does this, and I try and tell him so, but it doesn't seem to matter to him that he is endangering himself and others every time he does this.
So here I sit, worrying about if this will be the night he doesn't make it home, but ends up in a ditch, and how I can tell these people who finally seem to value me as a teacher, that I can't take their job.
My physical condition seems to be good, and I'm receiving lots of cards from people wishing me well, but tonight I'm very sad, and frustrated with this whole thing...
Monday, June 22, 2009
WOW! My first weekend at home...
...in over 3 weeks! I'm doing as fine as can be expected. I tire easily, but have more energy than when I was on the heavy pain meds.
We celebrated Father's Day quietly, except for a lunch out at a local Mexican restaurant. We waited for the after church crowd to thin out, so I didn't have to worry about catching anything, and enjoyed a pleasant meal.
I didn't take any pain med before sleep last night, so spent a restless night. I hadn't realized that, in addition to regulating my pain, the med was helping with my dry cough, that seems to be worse at night, when I lay down to sleep. Coughing kept waking me up. I'll take it every night, for now.
This morning, I went out and hooked up a float valve to a second water trough for the horses. We had had the valve, but never connected it, and my new boarders had a trough that they used for one of their horses, but no automatic shut off valve. Now the horses have a choice weather they drink from the pond, or the trough.
We celebrated Father's Day quietly, except for a lunch out at a local Mexican restaurant. We waited for the after church crowd to thin out, so I didn't have to worry about catching anything, and enjoyed a pleasant meal.
I didn't take any pain med before sleep last night, so spent a restless night. I hadn't realized that, in addition to regulating my pain, the med was helping with my dry cough, that seems to be worse at night, when I lay down to sleep. Coughing kept waking me up. I'll take it every night, for now.
This morning, I went out and hooked up a float valve to a second water trough for the horses. We had had the valve, but never connected it, and my new boarders had a trough that they used for one of their horses, but no automatic shut off valve. Now the horses have a choice weather they drink from the pond, or the trough.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Saturday evening...
It has been a busy couple of days. Yesterday,(Friday), we went shopping for Father's Day stuff. We went to Tractor Supply, Wal-Mart, Walgreens, and CVS pharmacy. All this before 2:00PM. After lunch, I took it easy till Mike got home, then we went to the Elks Lodge for dinner, and played cards for a couple of hours. I wore a mask when I wasn't eating, to avoid catching anything. We came home about 9:00, cause I was tired.
I've found that in order to get a good night sleep, I need to take the fast acting pain med. I don't mind that, because it wears off before I wake in the morning, and doesn't leave me dragging around all day
Today, I spent some time outside this morning visiting with my boarders, here to ride their horses. When they went home, I worked for several hours on my SS disability application, then took a nap after lunch. This evening, I saddled up Indy and rode for about an hour with my Daughter, and grandson. That felt good. I haven't been on a horse for far too long. I treated all 8 of our herd for flys while daughter fed. I helped turn them out after, and rounded up the water fowl for the night. I finished up in the wading pool with my grandson, cooling off. Went from there, through the back door, into the bathroom for a shower, and here I am at 8:00 in the evening, ready for dinner, and very tired, but not exausted.
I've found that in order to get a good night sleep, I need to take the fast acting pain med. I don't mind that, because it wears off before I wake in the morning, and doesn't leave me dragging around all day
Today, I spent some time outside this morning visiting with my boarders, here to ride their horses. When they went home, I worked for several hours on my SS disability application, then took a nap after lunch. This evening, I saddled up Indy and rode for about an hour with my Daughter, and grandson. That felt good. I haven't been on a horse for far too long. I treated all 8 of our herd for flys while daughter fed. I helped turn them out after, and rounded up the water fowl for the night. I finished up in the wading pool with my grandson, cooling off. Went from there, through the back door, into the bathroom for a shower, and here I am at 8:00 in the evening, ready for dinner, and very tired, but not exausted.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Thursday...
Well, I'm still home. I've stopped the pain meds for now, without having any problems with the lung pain I was experiencing before. I took off the gauze bandage from my port placement, and replaced it with just tegaderm, no gauze. I took a shower. Boy, did that feel good! Washing my hair was a real treat! This evening, I walked out with daughter, and grandson to feed the animals, and put the ducks to bed. I videoed the ducks, and they are very entertaining. When I returned to the house, I was sweating, so I pulled the tegadrem off one of the incisions from my port placement, and all the steri-strips pulled off too...OPPS!Now I know why they put gauze under it, even though it wasn't bleeding...I'll leave the other one in place for a few more days.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Still here...
I'm still here. I'm looking forward to feeling better. Right now, I'm very tired, whether from pain meds, or just run down from Chemo. I walked around the pond this morning, stopping to watch the ducks for about 15 minutes, then walking back to the house. I want to extend the distance gradually.
I can't bath, or get my dressing wet over my port till Thursday,(72hours), but after then, I'm looking forward to scrubbing my hide, and washing my hair. It's the little things in life...
I can't bath, or get my dressing wet over my port till Thursday,(72hours), but after then, I'm looking forward to scrubbing my hide, and washing my hair. It's the little things in life...
Monday, June 15, 2009
Home from the hospital...again...
Well, I'm home from the hospital again. This time, with a port-a-cath implanted in my chest so that I'm ready for any kind of Chemo they want to throw my way.
Friday, around 5:00PM my temp spiked to 101.2, so we headed to the emergency room. They admitted me, drew enough blood to satisfy a vampire, and started me on broad spectrum antibiotics. The blood work was normal, but they wanted to give the cultures 48 hours to grow, if anything was there. Nada. All clear. While I was in, they decided to put in a port a cath, so I would be ready for anything. They checked my blood counts, and my white counts started to tank while I was there, so they kept me sort of isolated from other patients, and I wore mask if I left my room.
Good news! I had to lay flat on my back during the port placement today, and I was able to do that without distress! I had had my Oxycontin about 2 hours prior to the procedure, but laying on my back, or taking deep breaths didn't cause coughing, pain, or any other distress. I hope and pray that this is because the chemo has caused the tumors to begin to shrink, and they aren't pulling on the pleura as they had been. Yeah!!!
Friday, around 5:00PM my temp spiked to 101.2, so we headed to the emergency room. They admitted me, drew enough blood to satisfy a vampire, and started me on broad spectrum antibiotics. The blood work was normal, but they wanted to give the cultures 48 hours to grow, if anything was there. Nada. All clear. While I was in, they decided to put in a port a cath, so I would be ready for anything. They checked my blood counts, and my white counts started to tank while I was there, so they kept me sort of isolated from other patients, and I wore mask if I left my room.
Good news! I had to lay flat on my back during the port placement today, and I was able to do that without distress! I had had my Oxycontin about 2 hours prior to the procedure, but laying on my back, or taking deep breaths didn't cause coughing, pain, or any other distress. I hope and pray that this is because the chemo has caused the tumors to begin to shrink, and they aren't pulling on the pleura as they had been. Yeah!!!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
...In the hospital again...
Well, I'm spending my third weekend in a row in the hospital. On Friday, I started running a low-grade fever. Just a degree, but enough to make me feel achy and draggy. Mike likes to play cards on Friday evenings, and I wanted to go with him. On our way into town, I realized my temp was rising. I'd brought my thermometer, so I could monitor my fever. It was 101.2. We detoured to the emergency room, and I'll be here till Monday. They are culturing everything they can think of to culture, and giving me broad spectrum antibiotics, to try and control whatever may be there.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Saddle up that nightmare and ride...
A friend sent me a message of support and encouragement where she described what I'm going through as a nightmare. Being the horse person that I am, I replied that I was going to saddle her up and give her a real long hard ride. Another horse friend chimed in and said to not let her buck me off, but that my friends would be there to catch me if she did. I love the analogy, so you will see more of me talking about my nightmare.
I have lots of energy today. I know it is the steroids they gave me before my chemo, and that it will last through the weekend, but not much more than that. My arm is bruised from the nurses having to stick me 3 times to get a good vein. OUCH!!! I've been emailing my oncologist's nurse, begging her to plead with him to get me scheduled for a port before my next chemo, on July 1.
I spent much of the morning and early afternoon on the computer, then went outside, walked over to the barn, fed the skinny old mare, and while she was eating, I fed the chickens. By this time the ducks and geese had figured out I was there, so they headed over to be fed. I walked back to their house, with them following, waited till most of them were in the water, then walked around the first pond. It was fun watching them watching me. Every time I stopped. they would head for shore, but if I started to walk again, they stayed in the water, and followed along. I stopped at the far end, and they came up out of the water, and began to graze. Ducks and geese graze differently than large grass eaters. They eat the tops of the grass, the seed heads, so instead of putting their heads down, they stretch their necks up.
After they were busy with that, I went back to check on the old mare, and she wasn't done, so I fed the cats, and fired up the push mower to cut the tall weeds between the barn and the potting table where we feed the cats. By the time that was done, so was she, and I let her back in with the other mares, and returned to the house. I was hot and tired, but it felt good to get out and get some little bit done after sitting in the hospital for the last 9-10 days.
I have lots of energy today. I know it is the steroids they gave me before my chemo, and that it will last through the weekend, but not much more than that. My arm is bruised from the nurses having to stick me 3 times to get a good vein. OUCH!!! I've been emailing my oncologist's nurse, begging her to plead with him to get me scheduled for a port before my next chemo, on July 1.
I spent much of the morning and early afternoon on the computer, then went outside, walked over to the barn, fed the skinny old mare, and while she was eating, I fed the chickens. By this time the ducks and geese had figured out I was there, so they headed over to be fed. I walked back to their house, with them following, waited till most of them were in the water, then walked around the first pond. It was fun watching them watching me. Every time I stopped. they would head for shore, but if I started to walk again, they stayed in the water, and followed along. I stopped at the far end, and they came up out of the water, and began to graze. Ducks and geese graze differently than large grass eaters. They eat the tops of the grass, the seed heads, so instead of putting their heads down, they stretch their necks up.
After they were busy with that, I went back to check on the old mare, and she wasn't done, so I fed the cats, and fired up the push mower to cut the tall weeds between the barn and the potting table where we feed the cats. By the time that was done, so was she, and I let her back in with the other mares, and returned to the house. I was hot and tired, but it felt good to get out and get some little bit done after sitting in the hospital for the last 9-10 days.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
new email address...
For those of you who would like to comment on my blog, but don't want to have to set up a new account to do so, here is my new hotmail address. ljb552009(at)hotmail.com
This will be just for my blog, because I have another account for farm business, and another personal account for sca and everything else.
Finished my first chemo today, and feel good. Steroids will do that to you.
This will be just for my blog, because I have another account for farm business, and another personal account for sca and everything else.
Finished my first chemo today, and feel good. Steroids will do that to you.
Longer, bring everyone up to speed...
I'm sitting in infusion therapy, with the TV on, my laptop in my lap, the head of the bed cranked up, under a blanket,with a blood pressure cuff on my right bicep, and an IV running into my left wrist/arm. I have a makeshift splint made of a plastic spoon on the outside, and a plastic knife on the inside, taped in place, to keep me from bending my wrist and cutting off the flow of chemo into my arm.
The bone scan shows no sign that the cancer has spread in that direction. That is good news. When talking with my oncologist, he assured me that there are several studies that showed no benefit from finding breast metastatic disease earlier. He also gave copies of the write-up of the studies. He said he himself had a hard time believing it, but that it seems to be true. He said that most likely the cancer was in my lungs already when I was first diagnosed, but was microscopic, so didn't show in the scans, or ex rays taken at that time. the previous chemo was intended to catch and destroy any of that kind of tiny tumors, but it didn't work in my case.
He will want to monitor my reaction to the chemo by repeating the CT scan in about 6 weeks. My treatment will be ongoing, consisting of being given a chemo drug until it stops being effective, or the side effects outstrip the benefits, at which time I will start on a course of some other chemo, until...and so on, and so on, and so on...That I should live my life to the fullest, and not treat myself like an invalid.
I'll be returning in 3 weeks for my next treatment. I told him I was exploring other, homeopathic treatments, and he said to make sure I told him what I was going to be taking,as some chemos didn't work as well with some supplements.
I'm going to apply for Social Security disability, since This is chronic, and I won't be able to work...
The bone scan shows no sign that the cancer has spread in that direction. That is good news. When talking with my oncologist, he assured me that there are several studies that showed no benefit from finding breast metastatic disease earlier. He also gave copies of the write-up of the studies. He said he himself had a hard time believing it, but that it seems to be true. He said that most likely the cancer was in my lungs already when I was first diagnosed, but was microscopic, so didn't show in the scans, or ex rays taken at that time. the previous chemo was intended to catch and destroy any of that kind of tiny tumors, but it didn't work in my case.
He will want to monitor my reaction to the chemo by repeating the CT scan in about 6 weeks. My treatment will be ongoing, consisting of being given a chemo drug until it stops being effective, or the side effects outstrip the benefits, at which time I will start on a course of some other chemo, until...and so on, and so on, and so on...That I should live my life to the fullest, and not treat myself like an invalid.
I'll be returning in 3 weeks for my next treatment. I told him I was exploring other, homeopathic treatments, and he said to make sure I told him what I was going to be taking,as some chemos didn't work as well with some supplements.
I'm going to apply for Social Security disability, since This is chronic, and I won't be able to work...
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Very quick update here...
I'm home, and will sleep in my own bed tonight. Back to MDACC to recieve the bone scan results, and start my First round of chemo. I'll keep posting here, but am asleep sitting at the keyboard tonight. snorrrr
...shock wearing off...
The shock is wearing off after getting the news from the dr at MDACC. I'm ready to get started fighting this. They want to send me home as soon as they figure out how to manage my pain at home. I'll have portable oxygen, that is the easy part... I've been sleeping sitting up. They want to send a hospital bed home for me, but there isn't room...
The drugs for pain make me very spacey...I just drift off in the middle of a sentence.
The drugs for pain make me very spacey...I just drift off in the middle of a sentence.
Monday, June 8, 2009
MDACC at last...
Well I'm at MDACC at last. I've spoken at length to an oncologist. My long term prognosis isn't good. The average life expectancy is 3 years after discovery. As my SCA friends know, I'm very competitive. I'm not ready to concede defeat. I intend to fight this as hard and as long as I can. I just wanted you to know...
Please pray for me, to your choice of higher power. You know I'll be raging at God about the fact that, as much as I love him, I'm not finished here...
I love the well wishes, but please, except for family, don't call me right now. I'm still reeling, and it is hard to talk about.
They are planning to do the scheduled bone scan tomorrow and start treatment on Wednesday.
I'm going to need all my friends to lend me their strength, and help me to fight this...
Please pray for me, to your choice of higher power. You know I'll be raging at God about the fact that, as much as I love him, I'm not finished here...
I love the well wishes, but please, except for family, don't call me right now. I'm still reeling, and it is hard to talk about.
They are planning to do the scheduled bone scan tomorrow and start treatment on Wednesday.
I'm going to need all my friends to lend me their strength, and help me to fight this...
Saturday, June 6, 2009
update...
I'm still waiting on a bed to open up at MDACC. Since it is the weekend, I don't expect anything to change till Monday. If they don't move me before noon on Monday, I'm taking the elevator to the second floor, and walking across the sky bridge over the street. if I'm sitting under their noses, they will find somewhere to put me, if only in emergency...
The pain is bearable with Morphine, and Tylenol every 4 hours or so.
Grandson sent me one of his stuffed animals to keep me company. I hang my oxygen cannula on him when I get out of bed.
Michelle walked out of the house wearing my hat, and Indy ran up to her, calling out...he was sad when it was not me.
I'm receiving so many messages from my friends, offering love and support. It is wonderful to realize how many friends I have. Thank-you.
The pain is bearable with Morphine, and Tylenol every 4 hours or so.
Grandson sent me one of his stuffed animals to keep me company. I hang my oxygen cannula on him when I get out of bed.
Michelle walked out of the house wearing my hat, and Indy ran up to her, calling out...he was sad when it was not me.
I'm receiving so many messages from my friends, offering love and support. It is wonderful to realize how many friends I have. Thank-you.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
My cancer...
I'm in St. Luke's Hospital in the Med center, waiting for a bed to open up at MDACC. I have breast cancer in my lungs, and am in such pain that they are giving me morphine every 3 hours. Please pray for me...
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Cancer again?
During my discharge I was given a CD of the CT scan done of my abdomen. Being the curious cat that I am, I loaded it into my computer, as I've never seen a real scan, just what they show on TV. There were 2 options, the complete scan, and the quick review. I first opted for the complete scan, but when I realized it would take about 30 minutes to down load, I canceled, and switched.
First up was the written Dr's report. I read through it, and found the description of the NODULES. There are several in my left lung, and one in my right. The largest is almost the size of the tumor I had in my breast! I read on and came to the Dr's impressions. He, not knowing my history said they were metastatic tumors, and my history needed to be checked for corroboration.
I'm scared. It looks like it is back. The thing is, if it has had time to grow to nearly the size of my original tumor, then it was (my opinion here)most likely there last fall when I went in for my first follow up appointment. I was surprised at the time that the only tests done then were a blood test, and repeat mammogram. I expected to have the full battery that was done the year before repeated. I think that, if they had been, this would have been discovered then. I intend to bring this up with my oncologist. It is water under the bridge now, but I'm scared, and angry. No one ever said I was cured, but I was sure I had more than a year before I needed to worry about it returning.
First up was the written Dr's report. I read through it, and found the description of the NODULES. There are several in my left lung, and one in my right. The largest is almost the size of the tumor I had in my breast! I read on and came to the Dr's impressions. He, not knowing my history said they were metastatic tumors, and my history needed to be checked for corroboration.
I'm scared. It looks like it is back. The thing is, if it has had time to grow to nearly the size of my original tumor, then it was (my opinion here)most likely there last fall when I went in for my first follow up appointment. I was surprised at the time that the only tests done then were a blood test, and repeat mammogram. I expected to have the full battery that was done the year before repeated. I think that, if they had been, this would have been discovered then. I intend to bring this up with my oncologist. It is water under the bridge now, but I'm scared, and angry. No one ever said I was cured, but I was sure I had more than a year before I needed to worry about it returning.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Home...
from the hospital at last! I went to the emergency room around 1:00 AM Saturday, with bloody diarrhea, and dehydration. They decided to admit me for observation, and give me fluids, draw blood for testing, then do a CT scan of my abdomen, after reviewing my recent medical history. After telling them my reaction to Cipro earlier in the month, they went ahead and treated me with it! I didn't claim an allergy to it, but told at least 2 different people about my body's extreme reaction to the stuff. Once I stopped putting food in my mouth, I stopped running to the toilet, and settled in for the night. After the CT scan. I was moved to a regular room on the fourth floor. The night nurse went to check on treatment orders.
I guess I was used to MDACC always telling my what was going in my IV's, cause I didn't think to question... Around 5:55 AM I awoke with an urgent need to run to the toilet, the first since arrival at 1:00. The diarrhea was back! I made it, but discovered, to my dismay, that there was no toilet tissue to be found! I called the nurses station from the throne, and after bringing paper towels at first, the right supplies were brought. I was tired and groggy, so washed my hands, and crawled back into bed. At 8:00AM, I was again awakened with the very urgent message to RUN!!! This time I was more alert, and decided to check and see what the night nurse had hung around 4:00. I about had a coronary when I saw that I had been given Cipro in my IV! I clamped it off, though it was almost finished by that time, and called the nurse, so angry I was sputtering! She came to see what was the matter, and it took a while to explain why I was so upset. She went to check my chart, and it had been noted that I had had a bad reaction to Cipro, but, since I didn't say I was allergic, they prescribed it for treating my diarrhea! I raise such cane about it that they quickly listed it as an allergy! I had been given another antibiotic as well, and they continued to treat me with it, as well as prescribing it to be taken for 10 more days now that I'm home.
When the Dr came to see me, we discussed my recent bouts with diarrhea, and he decided to order a colonoscopy, and a scope of my stomach and esophagus. He also told me what MDACC most likely saw on my chest CT, there are what he called NODULES in my lungs. I asked what they were, and he said, they were considered cancer until proven otherwise...
So, I came in with diarrhea, and they started me on a clear liquid diet, and laxatives, to clean me out for the procedures. All the while giving me IV fluids, and the other antibiotics. I told the Dr about my family history, and that I was scheduled for the colonoscopy on 6/23, but, since I was there, I was glad to get it done now.
Saturday was a blur of up and down to the toilet. At bed time, they told me that I was scheduled for a 6:00 AM enema! By this time, I had a RING OF FIRE where my butt hole had been, despite cleansing with gentle baby wipes, and applying soothing creams all day, so you know how thrilled I was at this news! I told them I didn't think it was going to be necessary, and they tried to convince me it wouldn't be so bad... Since I knew I couldn't have anything by mouth after midnight, I asked for some Tylenol around 11:45, for the headache I had developed. I slept about 1 1/2 hours the whole night.
When 6:00 AM rolled around, I talked them into putting a HAT into the toilet, to show that there was nothing left inside, and they didn't insist on the enema. A small victory for me! I was told that my procedures were scheduled for 10:00AM. At 9:45, I received a call that there was 1 procedure ahead of me, an emergency had come in. I waited, and waited, and waited... My headache was back, with a stiff neck, and my mouth was so dry, I expected to see camels if I looked inside...I called my friend Lois, in Maryland,to let her know what was happening, and asked her to let my other friends know. I finally was in such agony I called the nurse's station to see if I could get something more for my headache. They had given me a small dose of morphine in my IV when I first got up, since the Tylenol had long since worn off. By this time it was 11:40, and my mouth was almost sticking together! They arrived to take me for my procedures before they could give me anything. When I got to the room, it was discovered that my IV had infiltrated, and they had to start a new one, but finally, they gave me the good stuff, and I was gone...
They found nothing wrong on the upper end, and only colitis on the other, most likely caused by the Cipro given to me back on May 7th. No other problems there, so that is good, and I won't need another for 5 years. I was discharged this morning, and am feeling pretty good...no dairy for 10 days, but so far so good...
I guess I was used to MDACC always telling my what was going in my IV's, cause I didn't think to question... Around 5:55 AM I awoke with an urgent need to run to the toilet, the first since arrival at 1:00. The diarrhea was back! I made it, but discovered, to my dismay, that there was no toilet tissue to be found! I called the nurses station from the throne, and after bringing paper towels at first, the right supplies were brought. I was tired and groggy, so washed my hands, and crawled back into bed. At 8:00AM, I was again awakened with the very urgent message to RUN!!! This time I was more alert, and decided to check and see what the night nurse had hung around 4:00. I about had a coronary when I saw that I had been given Cipro in my IV! I clamped it off, though it was almost finished by that time, and called the nurse, so angry I was sputtering! She came to see what was the matter, and it took a while to explain why I was so upset. She went to check my chart, and it had been noted that I had had a bad reaction to Cipro, but, since I didn't say I was allergic, they prescribed it for treating my diarrhea! I raise such cane about it that they quickly listed it as an allergy! I had been given another antibiotic as well, and they continued to treat me with it, as well as prescribing it to be taken for 10 more days now that I'm home.
When the Dr came to see me, we discussed my recent bouts with diarrhea, and he decided to order a colonoscopy, and a scope of my stomach and esophagus. He also told me what MDACC most likely saw on my chest CT, there are what he called NODULES in my lungs. I asked what they were, and he said, they were considered cancer until proven otherwise...
So, I came in with diarrhea, and they started me on a clear liquid diet, and laxatives, to clean me out for the procedures. All the while giving me IV fluids, and the other antibiotics. I told the Dr about my family history, and that I was scheduled for the colonoscopy on 6/23, but, since I was there, I was glad to get it done now.
Saturday was a blur of up and down to the toilet. At bed time, they told me that I was scheduled for a 6:00 AM enema! By this time, I had a RING OF FIRE where my butt hole had been, despite cleansing with gentle baby wipes, and applying soothing creams all day, so you know how thrilled I was at this news! I told them I didn't think it was going to be necessary, and they tried to convince me it wouldn't be so bad... Since I knew I couldn't have anything by mouth after midnight, I asked for some Tylenol around 11:45, for the headache I had developed. I slept about 1 1/2 hours the whole night.
When 6:00 AM rolled around, I talked them into putting a HAT into the toilet, to show that there was nothing left inside, and they didn't insist on the enema. A small victory for me! I was told that my procedures were scheduled for 10:00AM. At 9:45, I received a call that there was 1 procedure ahead of me, an emergency had come in. I waited, and waited, and waited... My headache was back, with a stiff neck, and my mouth was so dry, I expected to see camels if I looked inside...I called my friend Lois, in Maryland,to let her know what was happening, and asked her to let my other friends know. I finally was in such agony I called the nurse's station to see if I could get something more for my headache. They had given me a small dose of morphine in my IV when I first got up, since the Tylenol had long since worn off. By this time it was 11:40, and my mouth was almost sticking together! They arrived to take me for my procedures before they could give me anything. When I got to the room, it was discovered that my IV had infiltrated, and they had to start a new one, but finally, they gave me the good stuff, and I was gone...
They found nothing wrong on the upper end, and only colitis on the other, most likely caused by the Cipro given to me back on May 7th. No other problems there, so that is good, and I won't need another for 5 years. I was discharged this morning, and am feeling pretty good...no dairy for 10 days, but so far so good...
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