Wednesday 1-30-08

My shoer came out and pulled Indy's shoes off. He also reset Birdy's front shoes. Everyone else was fine. He did say that next time, they will all need a trim.

I put Indy in with Diego and Nippers today. They seemed to be doing fine when I left. The 3 of them will go back with the rest of the herd on Saturday, when we can watch for trouble.

I had a massage today. My back has been driving me crazy with pain anytime I stand, or walk very much. By the time I have tied up the horses to eat, I have to sit down because of the pain.

Tuesday evening

All is well at Little Moon Farm. Very muddy from our recent rains, but everyone is well. The new guy is bonding with Nippers. When I took Nippers out of the pasture to tie him up to eat, Diego was calling for him. They will have another day alone, then Indy will join them in the back pasture for 2-3 days.

My farrier is coming out in the morning to pull Indy's shoes, trim everyone who needs it, and reset Birdie's front shoes. He is still tender in front, and he has lost 1 shoe. When he has to walk on the gravel driveway, he isn't happy. Darn old Thoroughbred feet.

I'm going for a massage tomorrow evening. I love getting pampered.

I'm feeling stronger than I have in a long time, but if I have to stand or walk for more that 10-15 minutes, my lower back starts to hurt really badly. I have a hard time unloading and loading the dishwasher. I have to stop and sit down several times because my back hurts so bad. I'm going to speak to my oncologist when I see him next week, and see if there is anything wrong with my back, or if my muscles are weak from inactivity.

Monday afternoon

Well, we brought home both the horse, and the cart, plus a nice leather harness. We didn't make it home before nightfall, which meant we fed in the dark, by flashlight. We put the new horse, Diego, in the small pasture where we had all the horses at first. He has a good thick winter coat, so will be plenty warm.

Today, when I went to the farm, he was out by the pond, grazing away. By the time I had all the feed ready and the other horses had come up to be fed, he was by the gate waiting for his. I fed Nippers by the small field where Diego could see him, and when everyone was done eating, I put Nippers in with Diego, so they can get to know each other. In a few days, when they have settled in, I'll add Indy to the mix. When the 3 of them have worked things out, I'll put them back in with the rest of the herd.

Diego is an 18 year old Tennessee Walking Horse, bought from an SCA friend who's declining health made her give up her horses. It was hard for her to let him go, but we will take good care of him.

Saturday evening

We are set to leave in the morning to pick up a new horse for my boarder's husband.The rig is out front, waiting for daylight.

I'm feeling better. I had more yogurt today and it seems to be helping my tummy trouble. On the down side, my finger nails are turning brown. I polished them to cover up the discoloration. This is a side effect of the chemo. Some people actually lose their nails. We will have to see... For now, my nails are a deep dark red.

I hope to have pictures of the new horse to post tomorrow, and, maybe, my new road cart, if I buy it.

Just a side note, the incision from my old port is still not totally healed up, but the new one is. The original one never healed in the middle, and the same spot is still not healed from when they removed it. I've started putting a band aid over it, and it always has drainage on the pad when I change it. When I've mentioned it to the Drs, they say it is because of the chemo slowing down the healing process, but if that were true, the new one wouldn't be healing either.

Friday evening

I feel better today. I drank a yogurt smoothy yesterday, and it seems to have helped my digestion. I also have a bit more energy. I stayed on the couch or at the computer, but I didn't feel like I had 15 lb weights tied to each leg.

That is a good thing cause tomorrow is going to be busy, and Sunday will include a road trip to Ft Worth to pick up a horse, and look at a wooden road cart.

Tomorrow, I need to go to the bank, then the feed store, and fill up the truck for the trip on Sunday. I'll be meeting Daughter and Son-in-law at the farm, so they can unload the feed. They will also be unloading the pieces of the shed from the trailer, hitching up the trailer, and organizing the back seat of the truck, so that we can get 2 adults, and a car seat into it for the trip on Sunday, as well as feeding the critters. We will bring the rig home and park it in front of the house for a super early start. We want to be back at the farm before sundown, so the new horse can see the fences, before we turn him out.

Wednesday 1/23/08

Still tired. Made a short trip to Kroger's, then went for a massage this afternoon. Did a load of laundry. Watched TV. Read some of one of my new books. Played with my grandson. That is about it for today. Maybe I'll be better tomorrow.

I hate being so tired. This is a fatigue kind of tired, not a sleepy kind of tired. It isn't something that a nap will fix. No energy to speak of.

tuesday 1/22/08

Not much going on here. Spent several hours at the farm yesterday. Rainy weather. Horses got fed, son-inlaw and daughter moved stuff around in the barn to make more room for stuff. I sat in a chair and watched most of the time, after helping feed horses.

Stopped at the book store last evening. Boy do I hate not having energy! I had to get a snack and sit down, because I wasn't sure I would make it home by myself. Pretty tired today too. I keep hoping to regain some energy, but so far...

Sunday 1/20/08

Felt better today. Spent time at the farm. Mostly sitting in the sun and watching grandson ride his new trike through the puddles left by the recent rains. My stomach isn't real settled, but no actual distress, just queasy.

Daughter and grandson rode horses for a while. Son-in law smoked a pork loin, and flew his new box kite. The dogs had a blast running through the puddles.

The horses are up in front of the barn with 1/2 bale of hay under the roof. The rain is due to return by morning, and it is too cold for them to be wet without shelter.

I added some more bucket hooks to the posts of the pole barn so they can all be fed under the roof at the same time, if necessary.

Saturday 1/19/08

Boy that new chemo kicked my butt today. I barely made it off the couch today, and couldn't eat very much. I never actually felt like vomiting, but it was just in the back of my mind all day. I hope tomorrow will be better. We shall see.

Daughter and son-in-law fed the stock today. Horses got a whole bale of hay as well as their feed.

Husband is off to Oslo for 2 weeks. I'm off to bed. I hope I can sleep.

Friday 1/18/08

Did a drive buy feeding at the farm tonight. Broke open a bale of hay under the pole barn roof, made 1 more pile than there are horses, put 1 1/2 scoops of feed on each one, and turned the horses into the area. They can pick their wind break, or stay under the roof, and there was more than enough food for all.

The cats and furry friends got fed too. Cold and wet, but all seemed fine. It is supposed to stop raining by morning. I hope so.

I'm tired tonight, but not much else is bothering me. My new port is tender, but healing.

Thursday 1/17/08

Went to the dentist today and she did the build up on my root canal so I won't have to keep coming back for temporary filling. I thought today was the best day for this, as I have to stop the blood thinners prior to yesterday's surgery, and they gave my prophylactic antibiotics before surgery that are most likely still in my bloodstream.

Went out and fed the critters afterwards. I gave them a bale of hay as well as their regular feed, as it has been kind of cold and wet the last few days. The rain is done, so just cold and windy for the next few days. Am going to try and get a round bale out there for them. This time of year the grass stops growing, so not as much for them to eat right now.

Wednesday 1/16/08

The surgery was a success. I now have a port in my chest, right under my collar bone, on my right side. I've felt kind of nauseous all day, and very groggy.
I'm very impressed with how MDACC does things. I was given papers to read about my port, and watched a video on it before the surgery. Nothing like that was done before ST Lukes put in the other one.

I had my first treatment with F A C. I have to eat ice while getting the "F", to help prevent mouth sores, the "A" is red, and colors your urine orange, and the "C" you must drink lots of water, cause it is hard on the kidneys.

Tuesday 1/15/08

Well tomorrow is the big day. I get my new port, and start the second part of my chemo. I spent all day today at MDACC meeting with anesthesiologists and the surgeon, getting blood drawn, and having an EKG to make sure I'm fit for surgery. I have to check in at 6:30 AM, and can't have anything by mouth after 12:00 midnight.

My friend Amy's mom passed away this evening at 9:45. She was 60, and had been smoking for 40+ years. She had metastasized lung cancer. She was on chemo up until Christmas, but they didn't expect a cure, just hoped to prolong her life, but it didn't work for her. Amy reported her mom's passing was peaceful.

Monday 1/14/08

Grandson got a new tricycle! I got the last one they had. It was the demo, and already put together, so it is waiting for him at the farm. If this one ends up breaking, I've had an offer to have it welded, so we are good to go.

I fed the animals today. One of the cavys found a way out of the pen. I caught him twice, before I plugged his hole,(I hope).

I'll be at MDACC most of the day tomorrow, in preparation for getting a new port put in on Wednesday. The horses may get fed in the dark, depending on how late I end up getting there. I fixed their feed buckets today, so I don't have to fumble around in the dark, if I don't get there before the sun goes down. It is supposed to get cold tomorrow night, so I'll give them some hay, too.

Here are a couple pictures of the tractor. One is Grandpa brush hogging the pasture, and the other is grandson pretending to drive it.

Sunday 1/13/08

Wow, where has January gone? It is almost the middle of the month! So much to do, so little time,(or energy).

We took down our storage building here at the house, and hauled it to the farm. When it is set back up, it will be used to store horse feed. We started working on leveling an area, and setting out cement blocks to put under the floor. It won't get finished soon, as husband is heading back to Norway next weekend, for 2 weeks.

I'll be getting my new port on Wednesday, and won't be up to anything strenuous for a while till that heals. I'll also be starting a new round of chemo, and I don't know how I'll tolerate it. We shall see.

I went for a back massage this morning, and the therapist suggested I try a heating pad when my back started hurting. My daughter dug one up, and I tried it this evening. I believe it will be a big help.

Grandson's new tricycle broke this afternoon. I thought the handlebars had come loose, but a weld broke at the spot where the front fork and the neck of the handlebar column come together. It is in the back of the truck, to take back to the store. I just hope they still have one to replace it. Grandson loves riding it, and it is such good exercise for him.

I had another migraine headache this afternoon. If I continue to get them so frequently, I may need to call my Dr and see if it is from the chemo, or if something else may be the trigger.

Today, (Monday,)will be busy, so I'm off to bed.

Saturday 1/13/08

The tractor works!!! Grandpa brush hogged part of the pasture where a bunch of scrub trees were trying to grow.

We rearranged stuff in the barn to make room for more stuff, and picked up the feral kitty that we acquired from God knows where. We are .3 mile from the road, but she has been there for over a month. Amy caught her yesterday, and dropped her off at my vets for shots and spaying. I picked her up this morning and we took her back to the farm. She will have to spend several days in a cage, to give herself time to heal, then she can return to being an elusive shadow, if she wants. I named her "Chips", cause I paid my 1/2 of her vet bill with money from Mike's poker winnings from last night.

Grandson got to fly his kite, ride his new tricycle, and help mom pound nails. He went to bed 1 1/2 hours early, to make up for no nap.

The horses are enjoying the wind break. You can see by the amount of manure left there.

My arm is about the same. I'm upset over something I found out on Wed. My oncologist tried to call me on new years eve, to see about treatment for the clots in my arm. He called the house number, and we were at the farm. He was going to offer to put me in hospital and do some extensive treatment with a clot dissolving drug. When I didn't answer his call, he just dropped it. Now it is too late for that treatment. It must be done before too much time has passed, or it does no good.
Even though it does no good for me to keep dwelling on this, I can't seem to let it go. Why didn't he call my cell number? His nurse, and his scheduler all have it. I know it is on all the paperwork I filled out when I registered at MDACC. I might have had my arm better by now, if only... I keep telling myself to let it go, but it is very hard to do. I pray that I can let it go, and stop dwelling on the 'IF ONLY"...

Friday 1/11/08

Quiet day today. Didn't sleep well last night, so slept in till 11:00. Tried to call the septic tank company, but just got fax machine noise. Watched grandson while his parents went for Drs appointments.

Got more information about Tuesday's schedule for pre-op check in etc.

Played solitaire on my phone, watched TV.

I'm trying to get a migraine headache, so I'm going to take my shot and go to bed. Maybe I can sleep it off. Husband is playing poker and won't be home till late.

Going to spend the day tomorrow at the farm, after picking up a new cat. It was a feral, and unspayed. We have been feeding her for awhile, and Amy managed to trap her today. She got spayed, and shots, so will be ready to go home tomorrow.

Thursday 1/10/08

It looks like I'll be getting a new port put in my right chest on Wednesday, right before my next chemo treatment. I heard back from the surgeon's nurse, and he has agreed to put it in on the say so of my oncologist. It was going back and forth between the two Drs and they couldn't seem to get their acts together. The surgeon wanted me to have a consult with my surgical oncologist before he would put in a port, and I haven't been assigned to one, as far as I know. My oncologist seems to think I can do without one, but the infusion nurses say I must have some sort of line in before the next round, because one of the drugs is too caustic to do into a small vein, and I'm a "hard stick", which means it is hard to find a good vein in my right arm, and they can't use my left, due to the clotting, and the lymphoma.

I have to go in on Tuesday and meet with the anaesthesiologist, have pre-surgical blood work done, and meet with the surgeon. I'm very happy about this, because the alternative would be a pic-line, which opens to the air, and hangs out of the chest wall, and has to be flushed with heparin every 2 weeks, and my treatment is going to be on a 3 week schedule, which means I would have to do the flush, or make an extra trip to have them do it. Having tubes hanging out of my chest, even under my clothes isn't a good thing around horses, and the dirt around the animals wouldn't be good either. When I said something about this to the nurse, she said," well, you will just have to have someone else deal with them during your treatment" As if that were possible right now.

Amy's mom is in hospis care at home now, and isn't able to help much right now, and Michelle doesn't get off work til it is almost dark, and there aren't any lights out there yet. Mike gets home around the same time, and he is having to go to Norway again on the 19/20 for 2 weeks. I'm doing most of the feeding of the horses, rabbits, cats, piggies, and the duck.

Wednesday 1/9/08

Busy day. Was planning to feed stock at farm before treatment. That changed with a 7:30 phone call moving my appointment up to the morning. Finished up with the Taxol. Met with oncologist, who is pleased with my progress so far. Had my treatment, and was heading home by 3:40, when Mike's cell phone rang. It was the tractor seller, calling to say he was going to bring the tractor out to the farm then. Since we were heading out to feed the animals, we agreed to bring the money and...

We are now the proud owners of a 2oo2 New Holland Tractor, a brush hog mower, a front end loader, a box blade( for dragging the driveway), and 3 different sized augers, for drilling holes for posts, etc. YEAH!!!!! We can now clear the dranage ditches, set more posts for horse safe fence, string up fence, clear brush from pastures, and clear out some of the trash piled in areas in the pasture.

tuesday 1/8/08

Busy day today. Had to drive to the farm and feed the animals, before driving to MDACC for an ultrasound of my breasts, to judge how the chemo has shrunk my tumor.

Have to do the same tomorrow, as Amy's mom is getting out of the hospital tomorrow, so she can't feed. Guess I'll take my shot and go to bed. Tomorrow will be busy.

Monday 1/7/08

Haven't written for several days. Not much to say. Kitchen isn't back together yet. Too tired. Every time I attempt it, my back starts to hurt so bad I have to go sit down. I'm slowly making a little progress.

My arm is still swelling up. Every time I think it is getting better, I do some work, and it is right back to where it was. What good is it to have 2 arms if you can't do anything!

I have an ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow afternoon, so I'll drive out and feed the horses in the morning, then head to MDACC after lunch. Still no word on if or when I'll get another port. The surgeon wants me yo meet with the surgeon who will do my surgery after my chemo is done first, to see if it is OK to place a port on the same side as the surgery.

Wednesday I have my last treatment with taxol, and I meet with my oncologist. Maybe I'll know something afterwards.

Friday 1/4/08

We got the money for buying the tractor!!! Yeah!!! I also got the plans for the septic system from the engineer. We are making a little progress towards getting moved. I went to the feed store and fed the horses today. I also bought another gate for the other side of the back of the barn.

The kitchen isn't put back together yet. I don't want to put anything back that we won't need before we get moved, but don't want to pack up anything that we might need. I also don't have any more empty boxes to pack up stuff.

My arm is about the same. It is still swelling up, and going down, then back up again.

Kitchen finished

We finally have our kitchen back. It looks great! Now comes the hard part. Wiping down the shelves, and deciding what to put away, what to pack away for moving, and what to get rid of. Here are some pictures of the finished cabinets.

Kitchen Day 2

Here are more pictures of the kitchen make-over. The frames have been covered, but the doors and drawers aren't up yet. The kitchen is much brighter now, and looks bigger.

Wednesday 1/2/08

Boy am I glad that we finished the windbreak yesterday. The temperature is supposed to dip below 25 and stay there for 5-6 hours. This will be what we call a hard freeze. Time to de-bot your horses legs and worm them. With the windbreak they should be fine.

Well our kitchen is a mess! the doors are all off, the drawers are gone, the frames are sanded, and the bottoms and sides are covered with thin plywood. Tomorrow it should be done, including a new, deep drawer under the double oven, for pots and pans. Here are a few pictures I snapped this evening, to give you an idea. I'll take more tomorrow, so you can see the finished product.

Had my 11th treatment today. Still no word on a new port. I'll call tomorrow, and see what I can find out. I over did on the building, and my arm is swollen up again, almost as bad as it was to start with, even though I've been wearing the sleeve and glove. I'm not even quite 1/2 way through my Chemo and I'm getting very frustrated.

Happy New Year

It has been a very long day, but the wind break for the horses is finished. It is over 6 feet tall and 35 feet long. We finished early enough that we moved a large pile of metal that was near by and was a hazard to the horses. Eventually, we will add a roof and overhang/breezeway, and close in stalls, as well as add to the length of the back wall, and this will be our first horse barn. For now, it provides a minimum amount of shelter from the north wind. Rosie and Birdie don't have as thick of winter coats as the others, and they would lose too much weight trying to stay warm, without it.