Today I received an email that 4 weeks ago would have made me very happy. I went on an initial job interview on May 27 at a private school looking for teachers for next year. It went well, and they said they would be in touch about a follow-up interview. That is the day I started running fever, and the next day was when I was told that I needed more tests at MDACC. That weekend is the first I spent in the hospital, and was told my cancer was back. I got the invitation to a follow up interview today. I want to cry, scream, and tear my hair out. Why now, when I can't in good conscience interview for a job when I most likely will not be able work due to Chemo and other treatments. I'm in the process of applying for Disability from Social Security. I had given up my dream of teaching, then this job came up, tailor made for me, and now I can't do it.
On top of that, my dog broke her front leg chasing the neighbors bull, and my husband is driving home from Elks Lodge meeting, and he is drunk. It scares me every time he does this, and I try and tell him so, but it doesn't seem to matter to him that he is endangering himself and others every time he does this.
So here I sit, worrying about if this will be the night he doesn't make it home, but ends up in a ditch, and how I can tell these people who finally seem to value me as a teacher, that I can't take their job.
My physical condition seems to be good, and I'm receiving lots of cards from people wishing me well, but tonight I'm very sad, and frustrated with this whole thing...
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